Inside-Out Worship

Questions:

If you attend a "Worship" service, does that make you a "Worshiper" by the fact you showed up?

What if you sing the words of a "worship" song? Are you "worshiping?

This hit me fresh just a few months ago. I am a woman who truly has a heart for worshiping our Lord and especially through song/music. I believe God did not give me the voice of an angel like many of my friends have cuz I would probably never be quiet! At least I know I can't sing worthy for the masses and that fact minimizes my vocal expressions of worship publicly! Yes, I absolutely sing at the top of my lungs....but alone....me and the Lord...no witnesses (aka: victims)!!! I am one of the Lord's "make a joyful noise" girls!

Unfortunately, I thought I wasn't going to be able to "worship" for a period of time. As many of you know, I swallowed a small fish bone and it scraped down my throat causing it to swell, which was made worse when I tried to talk, much less sing. Sounds silly, but it was heartbreaking for me to not be able to sing. If I talked for about 30 min just in normal conversations with the kids or in class, my throat swelled up worse and it put pressure on my tongue and voice box making my throat basically shut down. After a 30 min to an hour rest from talking, I could start the "talk timer" over. The kids and I brushed up on our sign language, and we really made sure that what ever was wanting to be said, needed to be said. You don't realize how much you can not say until you can't say it.

Talking was difficult...singing was impossible. (Deep sigh.) You just have to know me to know how serious I am when I say it was devastating for me. I sing all the time!! We are a dancing and singing family!!

I sat there in the pew that first Sunday so sad that I couldn't "worship" cuz my voice just wouldn't let me. I stood there silent...sad...grieving in what I felt was my inability to worship my Lord and Savior, my Abba Daddy, my Greatest Love of all. There was such a battle in my soul between flesh and spirit. My spirit was saying Worship while my flesh had resolved that I couldn't worship. After the first song, during the announcements, I battled a final war. It was then that the question came...so what is worship? You can't sing. How are you gonna worship now? I imagine if you took a poll asking people "how do you worship?", most people would say the name of their favorite song.

But I could not sing. But I could still worship! I know our life is an act of worship to the Lord but it would be the singing part, right? I re-discovered the answer is No!

Worship is not:
A song or a word spoken or repeated.
It's not showing up for an hour each week.
It's not playing Christian songs with your favorite instrument.

These things are the outward display of a heart of worship. I was so wrapped up in the fact that I couldn't sing, I didn't consider what was my true act of worship.

Worship begins in the heart! Worship is within us...not something from the outside in, but inside-out. For weeks, I stood up in a "worship" service, lips sealed, in worship. And yes,  I was belting it out at the top of my heart-lungs, praises and adoration to our King!! Satan doesn't want us to worship and yet, in the heart of a Believer, you can't help but want to sing out loud but how important that we realize it's not about what you do....it's what is in the heart, soul, spirit stirring inside you and is expressed outwardly in one way or another.

Another question: Is it wrong to lift your hands in response to the praise within you? No. There are plenty of scriptures that say "lift your hands" but it is wrong to lift them so it looks like you are worshiping. Is it wrong to keep your hands down to your sides when you worship? No, unless you feel your spirit wanting to lift them and you resist it. Singing, leading, playing an instrument of praise, making good choices throughout our day does not mean we are in worship. Speaking to the Lord Himself from within your heart and soul...that is worship! Then, we can speak it, sing it, play it, act out because of it. It then becomes a community of worship, a worship service.

Nothing can stop your worship!!! Satan would like to, but he can't unless you let him. No voice? No problem!! Can't make it worship service one week? No problem, worship right where you are, just how you are, music or no music.

Week by week, my throat has healed up and last Sunday was my first time to sing out in worship through all the songs. It felt so good to express outwardly what was happening on the inside (even though He already sees and hears what's going on in there), I know there had to be a smile on my face cuz my heart was surely smiling!! Like a kid who squeals at the sight of cake, so I felt that Sunday! Joyful and Abundant in praise!!

It was a great lesson re-learned. Our worship comes from our heart, not our lips, not our hands, not our feet. Eventhough I have most of my strength back in my voice, I find a sweetness in just closing my eyes and my lips and belting out my worship from the inside-out!! Not for too long though, before I can't stand it and noise bursts through!!

"Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them;"

Deuteronomy 11: 16

"And he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." Then Jesus said to him, "Be gone, Satan! For it is written,"'You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve.'"

Matthew 4:9-10

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. God is spirit,
and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."

John 4: 23-24

Father God, Holy One, may my life lived out on the outside be a reflection of my heart for You on the inside. May I be more consumed with the condition of my heart than the words on the screen during times of corporate worship. May the song sung on the inside bless Your heart more than the joyful noise that flows out. May the choices I make throughout each day, bring You honor and praise as an act of worship to You. You are worthy of all my praise and to You alone I worship. God, I know You already see my heart for You, but Lord, I want it to worship and honor You in everything I do. Guard my heart and set my eyes on You fully. Rescue our hearts, cover them, fill them, protect them in Your Holy Name, amen!

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

 Romans 12: 1-2

Oh WORSHIP our Lord and King, in spirit and truth!!!!!

Thought I'd Say Hi!

Okay, so this is going to be as weird to write as it is weird to think about...every week it seems I hear of a new person stopping by the blog lately! I don't share that in a bragging way AT ALL, but one of child-like joy that God IS using me. Something I never thought possible and yet always "wished" would be so. If He never wastes a hurt, I'm sure to be busy for a while!!

So, I thought I should say Hello to you!!! I don't know all of "you" but I am thankful to have the opportunity to share a little bit of Who Christ is in my life, how He speaks to me, how He teaches me, how He makes me laugh, how He cares for me and loves me in a way unlike anyone ever has before or ever will, for that matter!!! He can do the SAME for you. I pray that as I ramble about my daily life and how God reveals Himself to me in creative ways that you will be encouraged in your heart and spirit. It's always my prayer that God would re-write the words and make them work for His good.

Some of you know me personally while others of you are new to me and some of you have no clue who I am. I'd like to re-introduce myself briefly to you.

This year I turned the Big 40 and it has had it's share of aches and pains (some literally) but also greatest blessings!! I have been married going on 20 years, have 4 children ages 15, 12, 7, and 5. I am a stay at home Mom and my greatest Love of all is the Beautiful, Loving, Rock, my Lord Jesus. I was blessed to be raised in church by parents who loved me and protected me. I attend a church who's heart is very mission minded and meaty!

My relationship with the Lord had been what I would call "normal" for the first 23 years. It involved going to church every Sunday and Wednesday and volunteering with the children and youth whenever there was a need. I attended nearly every women's bible study over the years, learning and praying for all these things to be true for me in my life, but never really having the wisdom or mentorship to be taught or shown how to apply this knowledge, moving it from the head to my heart in action. 

My personality is one of general shyness (yes, I know some of you have said NO WAY, but yes, I am just simply comfortable with you and that's probably why you don't think that!), great patience, compassion, hopeful/peacemaking, and thanks to my Mom- many creative tendencies! I do constantly call out on God's Grace to cover over me in the areas of doubt, anxiety, inadequacy, unworthiness, perfectionism, lack of trust, fear, bitterness and I could go on...but just know, this Hopeful-God-Loving-Dreamer is not perfect or close to it. Often I look up at God and wonder How me? Why me? Really, me?

When I walked through my Season of Hell in 2008-2009, it was then that my walk relationship REALLY became "normal." It's NOT normal to simply go to church, serve where needed and even tithe, never being in awe, never hearing His voice, never feeling His discipline/correction or the opposite, His smile/breath/teaching. It is normal within any relationship to gain knowledge about the other person, learning and knowing all you can, but it is also a normal part of the relationship to love them and be loved in return, to share intimacy with one another, according to the type of relationship. (Not being a professional writer or psychologist-I will do my best to explain..)

With our children, we provide for them and love them, but how much richer when we interact with them one on one and truly know their heart, their little smirks and what it means. One look and ya know what's going on it that brain of theirs. Same with our spouse or friend. The more time we spend with them, the more we get to know them. When we know them more intimately, we can understand their hearts without them even needing to explain. We feel it. We know it. We desire to really know them and not just know them. It's normal to know them and hence walk in step with them out of love.

So it is with the Lord. The more you get to know Him, the more you see His heart. You hear Him. You see Him. You feel Him. You love Him. You trust Him. You count on Him. That is normal! I didn't ever know that until what was normal began to be not-normal and what seemed abnormal became normal  and was consistently proving to BE normal. (Say that fast 5 times!!)

It's just not "normal" to have peace in the midst of crisis.
It's just not "normal" to have someone love you unconditionally, just as you are.
It's just not "normal" to hear a theme repeated clearly through song, sermons, emails, conversations with others.
It's just not "normal" to trust fully and love fully and act upon it without fear or doubt. We are humans who naturally act by flesh, not spirit. Oh spirit, lead us please!!!! And yet it is! What is "normal" is whatever we accept as average at the time. Just because something has become normal for us does not mean it is good. For example, it may have become normal for you to stop tithing so you can save money for vacation, or maybe it's become normal around the house to respond to each other in anger or sarcasim. They may be normal occurances but are they good? Our definition of normal needs to be constantly examined. Where does it say we are suppossed to be normal anyway?!?

I knew God (spending time in fellowship) wasn't a priority in my life. Oh yes, I loved Him and knew Him and that's exactly why I thought He would appreciate how I honored Him in all my doings in all my different life-roles. He was important, just not intimate in my life. All my doings and intentions were not, are not, what He desires. He wants us. He wants our hearts. Yes, we should serve Him and focus on Him and serve in His name, but if we do all that because we know we should....we will miss what's "normal." It will become normal to do those things out of the overflow of love that we receive from Him and thus our acts of worship flow out of this great love.

We don't get love by doing. We get love by receiving.

My most precious and real relationships with others are with those whom have given and I have received their love into my heart. Protective walls, grouted by the tears we have shed don't come down easy. But for those who God has placed in my life, and yours, they have been gifted to us for a reason only God knows. We can only do what's He's placed before us and trust the One who is trustworthy. Sometimes He tears down the walls. Other times He sends us those who will help us tear them down brick by brick with grace and gentle kindness. That used to be abnormal to me, and now that is normal!!

I love my new "normal" but I admit there are times I feel so unworthy and so undeserving and wonder if this is all true....His promises for me/us...are they really true?! How can such a powerful and mighty God still love me when I have doubted Him and even disobeyed Him?! And yet He does, time after time...it's normal for Him to. I cannot tell you the amount of times I just want to say I can't and walk away...but His Love binds, never leaving or forsaking what is His. Oh how He loves us so. Jesus loves us, this we know.

So, I pray that as you journey with the Lord, as you stop by the blog for whatever reason you stop by, to learn about me, to hopefully be encouraged that you are not alone or to be reminded that you are cared for by a Unmovable Rock and Loving Father. As you take any thing from here, may GOD define for you what (good or bad) "normal" and "abnormal" within your relationship with Him, that you will understand and be encouraged that no two people are alike, therefore no two relationships are alike. God reveals Himself to each of us in millions of different ways every day in every season. We cannot compare ourselves to each other nor should we put God in a box with human limits or assumptions, but we can know that He loves each of us imperfect sinners the same, He has forgiven all my sins and yours, He cares for you just as much as He cares for me, He desires for you to seek after Him to hear Him and see Him. This God Almighty we serve wants your heart and He wants mine, and all our doings that follow are our acts of love back to Him.

My we each strive to change our worldly definition and limitations of normal to abnormal for we are a peculiar people!!! Thank you for stopping by to meet me. As you can see, I am not normal!! I am peculiar even to myself. I don't get me but am thankful God does and that somehow He uses me. Don't ya know He uses you to encourage me?!? Yes He has!! Thank you! Blessings!!!!

This is my current life-verse and my prayer:

    "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul," Deuteronomy 10:12

Lord Jesus, Gracious and Amazing Lord, it is our desire to do as You have required, to fear you Lord our God, to walk in all Your ways and not our own, to love You and serve only You Lord God, with all our heart and with with all our soul. We want nothing more than all of You. No one and nothing compares to You. We are nothing outside of Your grace and mercy. God, accept our acts of worship with patience as we learn what it looks like to honor You and fellowship with You. We want to be Your hands and feet here on Earth but greater than that Lord, we want to be Your heartbeat. Help us give life into those who are lifeless. Help us to be abnormally normal in Your sight God. May our focus be on You always, never comparing or judging, but encouraging and enjoying the blessings around us. Thank You Lord God for those who You place in our life to mentor us through teaching and living out their life from their heart that beats so clearly for You. Bless them for trusting You enough to share their tender but strong and faithful hearts with those of us who are eager to learn more about You and how to hear Your very heartbeat and breath as we fall into Your outstretched arms by faith. Jesus, Lord and Holy Spirit, fall fresh on us, move us out of Your way. You alone are worthy of our never-ending praise. Bless Your Name. amen.

  So nice to meet you! If I haven't scared you away, I'll see ya again soon! HUGS and Blessings in the Sweet Name of Jesus!