There are two types of people: those who are courageous and bold and others who wish they were; those who are go-getters and others who are wishers. Those who think they can, exuding passion, strength, fearlessness, courage, energy and trust. They believe they can. They trust themselves (and God is a Believer.) Then, there are those of us who wish they could be like "them." We don't believe. We don't trust.
For those of you who know me well, you know I am the fearful one, not one of "them." However, on my journey with the Lord over the past few years, I understand that He loves me and needs me to trust Him. If I am going to please Him, share His glory with others, fight the good fight, defeat the enemy, rely on Him to heal, receive His provisions, encourage others in Him, then I MUST trust Him.
Unlike so many that believe they are fabulous and awesome, I identify myself as weak, insignificant, cowardly and anxious; HOWEVER, because I choose to TRUST Him with my life, I am trusting HIM to be The Strength in my weakness, My Passion in my confusion, My Healer in my body, mind and soul, My Victor in my battles. I choose to trust Him.
Of course, I wish I could snap my fingers and be Superwoman- a woman of faith and strength doing all things perfectly...who wouldn't? Maturity and wisdom are built by time, patience, experience, knowledge. Just as my 4 year old cannot comprehend everything my 14 year can, we cannot fully comprehend all things about God either. It's a process. Learning is never-ending. (I am not saying we cannot learn the things of God, rather, we cannot know or understand all things about God.)
I have prayed for courage for years and in some areas of my life now, I do feel courageous and I know I am acting in courage, but I feel more cowardly than brave. As I reflected on this recently, God showed me the process. Just because I am not as courageous as I think I ought to be, I am in fact courageous. (That was r e a l l y hard to type.) The depth and width of it will grow as I grow in Him. In fact, the more I trust Him, the more courage I have for my Strength is from and in Him, not self. If I continue to rely on my own efforts and strengths, then weakness and fear will continue to fill me as that is all I am in my own accord. I am nothing. He is my everything.
Just a few years ago, in what I call my Season of Hell, simply the sound of a plane brought me to panic. I prayed for courage. At the time I didn't believe it to be, but that was courageous...believing that I could overcome the fear and panic. It was baby steps: we live under a flight path for our airport and yes, I considered moving so that I didn't have to be tortured by the 2 min cycle that continued hour after hour, day after day. I choose to believe God would heal, so I remained in courage. I sure didn't feel courageous. I felt horribly weak, insecure and ridiculous. Then, I began to stare my fear in the face and not coward back inside. I would stand outside on my patio and with spiritual hands on my hips, bow up to that plane. I took the stand to trust (God) and win one battle in the war. Eventually, I would be courageous enough to park outside the airport and watch the planes fly just over me before landing, to driving through the airport parking lot, to parking and going inside (this was HUGE in victory), to one day, actually boarding a plane and remaining in it!! Oh, to GOD be the Glory!!!!
I know, believe me, this sounds incredibly ridiculous, it does not even seem real to me...and we are talking about me!!!! (Hence, the Season of Hell.) It's taking e v e r y t h i n g I have not to delete this blog right now, but I pray that me choosing to trust God with all things Me, not self, He will use this to encourage someone facing their Hell. Praise His compassionate and beautiful Name! AMEN!!!!!
I am happy and thankful to say that with Christ's courage, I have flown in a small 4 passenger plane (crazy to be in something you feel could be remote controlled-haha); flown out of the country to Honduras (another big fear conqured); flown to the NW for 5 hours to Seattle, Washington, travelling another 2 hours by boat and car to some islands. Aside from the fear of flying that had consumed me for this season (yes, I have flown my entire life and never had issues, other than just being nervous about flying), I also feared leaving my safe place, my town, (I think it's a form of agoraphobia), I had made the decision I would just always remain here where all things were controlled, known...so travelling by plane or car or boat, was incredibly frightening. HOWEVER, once again. God met me right where I was in that process and carried me from "Glory to Glory" (LOVE that song). Our family has made a 16 hour drive to Angelfire, NM, another 18 hour drive to Colorado and just last week, a 23 hour drive to the Florida Keys. Praise Him!!!! How exciting, I know. Unless you have been here, you can't understand and you'll think this is crazy. Believe me, I felt crazy at the time. Fearing something I have done for 37 years and here I was celebrating the first mile flying, driving...crazy!
THAT is courage, but no more courageous than the day I chose to stand on my patio and stare down that first plane.
In ALL things,
Christ is our Strength, Rock, Refuge, Courage, Peace, Passion, Victory....our cause and our reason.
HE is the reason I fly. HE is the reason I travel.
HE is the reason I share.
To GOD be the Glory.
May He be lifted up.
Our Hope & Encouragement: 
but NOT crushed;
15 "All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching
more and more people
overflow to the glory of God.
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
day by day. "
17 "For our light and momentary troubles ARE achieving for us 
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL. "
II Corinthians 4
" Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9
