There sure has been a lot of searching and asking and thinking in this "fearfully and wonderfully made" mind of mine recently. Am I the only one that goes through these seasons? You look at yourself every day in the mirror and then it happens...one day you don't recognize who you are. Are you who you have always been? Are you who others say you are? Are you that fearful, insecure and arrogant pre-teen from years ago? The stubborn strong willed, self-righteous one? The know it all? OR the cowardly, insecure, hurting, bitter, worrying, lonely one no one would notice missing if you weren't here?
Aren't our thoughts powerful? It is our thoughts that control and dictate our behaviors and actions. I was talking with some girlfriends last night about my 11 year old son who is currently going through classes to be SCUBA certified. Needless to say, I am nervous for his safety but also so excited for him to experience something surreal....if he passes!!! If I am real honest, I would say I am anxious that he will become anxious and end up making poor choices, immature choices. Another opportunity for God to remind me who is in control. Not me!!! Certainly, not me! HE is.
My friend asked me if I was SCUBA certified too. I hesitated but confidently said, "I am." My husband certified soon after we met and I was too nervous so I always snorkeled above him. That was okay with me. You can still experience so much just by getting your face in the beautiful waters. It is a whole other world down there, very serene and embracing of your senses. We hardly had anything in-common hobby-wise, and I wanted to, so I did in 2002. I passed. I was nervous, yes!!! Okay, maybe triple yes!!! But I did it and can claim the rightful title of being a SCUBA Diver.
Why did I hesitate in answering Yes? It's a simple answer. Either you are or are not certified to SCUBA. Well, as you know, 2008 was the year God began to wave His patient Warning flags to me that He needed my attention back. Our anniversary is in January, so we took off for a dive trip to Belize. Unfortunately, the winds were unusually gusty but we went out anyway. Underwater, it is normally still....not that day! We were at 60ft or so and even the foliage was swaying back and forth. Visibility was minimal too probably from the churning of the waters shaking up the ocean floor. My stomach began to feel queasy as I rocked and rolled down there. Ugh!! Once of my fears is choking on water during a dive, eventhough it had never happened to me til that point, someone with a bondage of fear always waits for "this time is it."
You can't practice throwing up in your regulator, but it is discussed in class that people have done it and it goes right out, no choking, no problem. What?!? I did NOT want to throw up and yet I couldn't just hop up and do it. So, for the remaining 45 minutes, I took deep breaths and was able to work through the anxiety attacks that would roll through me every 5 minutes. My thoughts were focused on what if I can't keep it down, I can't see much around me, what if we get carried away, what if I can't keep it down and choke and freak out and......ahhhh!!!!!! It was frightening and I was DONE!!! Maybe forever, didn't declare it there, but that was a good probability!
SO, am I a SCUBA Diver.....technically, yes. Will I ever do it again??? Have I chosen to step away from that title and privilege??? Good questions. But I can say with confidence and truth, I am a SCUBA Diver.
So, back to this "crisis," I am wondering What Am I.....? Who Am I....? My mentor and friend that I am currently studying under sent this email out this week. Read this:
Good Morning God’s Chosen One,
Wow, does that greeting make you feel special? Do you believe you are “God’s chosen one”? How is your week going? Do you feel “holy and beloved”? Regardless of how you are “feeling” this morning I want to encourage you to walk each step today in Truth....relying on what you know to be truth whether it “seems” to be or not. Today I encourage you to hold your head high as you remember fact one – you are God’s chosen one....YOU....God has a plan just for you and without you His plan is missing a piece. Be careful to walk in obedience today to His leading of your steps and not your own. Fact two – You are “holy” - regardless of what you “said” or “did” yesterday that might prove otherwise, the fact is; you are “holy”. Not because of anything you or I did, but because of Christ’s love for us and through the covering of His shed blood. Oh, sister, that fact alone encourages me to toil (Col. 1:29) harder today to be more like Him. Fact three – You are a “beloved” one of the Creator of the universe, of the Most High God, of the King of kings and the Lord of lords!!!! Shout “Hallelujah” with me!! The truth is; no matter how you feel this morning, you are LOVED, you are BELOVED, you are GREATLY LOVED!!!!
Okay....so now that we have the “facts” straight.... : ) How are you doing in your walk?
Somedays I feel as though I must dig and dig and dig some more until I find that nugget from Him. Then there are messages sent through others, songs, sermons, random places and ways that are Claritin Clear!! haha
SO, Who I am is who GOD says I am, not what I think. Not what others think. Not even what I hope to be. I am simply, ME! Here I am mature in many ways, immature in many ways, goofy, serious, a Mom a Wife a Daughter a Friend.....a Daughter of THE King!!!!!! There is NO DOUBT why we are to live in fellowship with each other and especially surrounding ourselves with others Believers in our life so that God can touch our spirits to "admonish and encourage" one anothers. I am thankful to have been reminded of the facts. I pray that in word and deed, I go where He says, do what He says...in confidence and with assurance of the truth engraved in me! I have the title of Daughter of the King.
What lies are YOU being tempted to believe? What truths are true for YOU? Stand up and walk in Holy Truth! If you don't like what ugly things are true about you, we are ALL sinners that needing to be cleansed by Him, then change them. It was true that I was bound by fear, but the truth was that God is LOVE and fear was a lie I had to get rid of. Our sin is true, in that it is there, so get rid of it and put on Truth!!!!
STOP THE LIES!!!!! YOU ARE....I AM......LOVED, HOLY and yes, even BEAUTIFUL to our Creator!! AMEN!!!!!
" Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience; bearing with one another." Colossians 3:12-13a
