What unexpected "fun" it is to serve a Living God! My Abba Daddy! My Very Best Friend! And also, My Disciplinarian.
Over the past several weeks, my spirit has been hypersensitive to issues of Trust. Therefore, my prayers have been centered around Trust. Am I trust-worthy? Do I trust myself? Do I trust The Lord my God? Songs, scriptures, and even conversations with others....and my two separate bible studies, have also penetrate my listening spirit as they relate to trust.
For those of you familiar with my relationship with God, you know that He is faithful to illustrate my lesson...a further confirmation that is where I need to be, tracking along in sanctification. I got my Trust Illustration yesterday.
For no particular reason, over the past several days, my 4 year old has been at my heels. My husband is also out of town, but not a real rare thing. Nothing comes to mind when I try to figure out why he is soooo clingy to me. The time of day does not matter. Who else is at home, does not matter. If I tell him I where I will be for the next few minutes, within the house/yard, does not matter.
If I run upstairs for something, within 30 seconds he is yelling, "Mom?!?!? Where are you?!?!" I even told him that I would be putting my laundry up in my room, or taking a shower for 15 minutes and he could finish watching his show and within minutes, he is upstairs looking for me. He has also asked me to take naps with him! This is just a sampling of the "on my heels." He acts as if he was left behind and traumatized from it last week, fearing to be forgotten.
Yesterday morning, he was playing in the bathtub as I took my shower (yes, same room and yes warm water and yes, about 3 inches deep). He enjoys playing even during the time I get ready and his little fingers wrinkle up like a raisin! He loves baths!! Knowing his recent issues with "separation anxiety" I was sure to tell him I was going to be right back, I needed to grab my phone next to my bed (15 ft on the other side of the door mind you). Just as I was returning, opening the bathroom door, he greeted me at full speed, dripping wet, with towel in hand. It was a COLD morning (the door was closed to contain our heater), and he had jumped out....WET!! This was CrAzY!!!! He has never done this before.
Quickly bundling him, I got down on my knees, and exclaimed, "What in the world are you doing Little Man?!? I told you I would be right back which I was, and you are perfectly safe." It was what came out of my mouth next that floored me....you probably already know, don't ya?! I stood up, with hand on my hip and said, "Don't you trust me?" Then, the rebuke came into my heart, spirit, mind...wherever "it" happens...as if an audible voice spoke it, I "heard" "He is just like you."
The night before, I had been talking with a friend, discussing how much my Little Man is just like me, similar in looks and personality and spirit. We talked about each of the kids and the similarities and differences of each one to my husband or I. So, when "it" came to me, it was significant as the "is" was emphasized. "He is just like you." Believe it or not, I actually huffed!!! Yes, an adult pout. What? Huh? Me? How am I like him relating to this repetitive, crazy, issue?
Well, it was clear. Trust. What God says in His Word, or through a divine Word, do I trust Him? It's not enough to believe it. We must trust it because we believe it. I believe God, now can I trust Him with what I know and believe? Having been betrayed a handful of times over the years, trust does not come easy for me to give. If we were all honest, I think most of us will admit that it is hard to walk through a trial or crisis, without questioning if God is still in control. "Surely, if God was God, He wouldn't allow this horrible thing to happen." This is our human logic as well as Satan's scheming to divert us from God's sovereign truth!!
The longer we walk with God and the more we know Him, with what we come to know about God, we could write in great lengths of His amazing grace, mercy and compassion for His children. He is a sovereign and loving God whose ways are not our ways. Our "why" is His way.
I wouldn't trade anything for the seasons of heartache and trials I have walked through in my life, although during these storms, my flesh and spirit battled of Who was actually in control of the situation. Trusting anyone is an area of weakness in me. Is God really there? What am I doing wrong? Only through His great, and I mean great patience with me, I have come to learn that God prunes us to bear more fruit (John 15) and He disciplines those He loves (Heb 12:5-7). He doesn't leave us to suffer, even though we can feel that way. Satan wants us to believe we are forgotten, planting seeds of doubt.
Commandment #1~ Love the Lord your God!!!!! With all you've got, love Him. Second, love others! When we fall deeply in love, our love deepens therefore our trust deepens. When we trust Him to be Who He says He is, we don't have to continue running back to Him in desperation, "soaking wet" in doubt, guilt, or shame. He is faithful, even when we are not.
Father God,
I bow my heart, soul, mind, heart, and spirit to Yours. Forgive my disbelief. Strengthen me in You. Help me surrender deeper, more completely to You alone. Not my will, but Yours. Shape my body, mind an soul, to one of courage, endurance and trust. I believe You Father, grant me confidence and passion to fully trust You. Bind Satan and his evil doers from their clever lies. Help me discern Your perfect will each day as I submit to You. I am Yours.
Thank You for blessing me with precious Brothers and Sisters in the faith who are beautiful examples of courage and love....and who are trustworthy persons. My spirit is sharpened by them. I receive tangible encouragement from them and thru them. I am blessed to be loved, help me to continue to receive Your love through them. Help me to receive Your love through difficult situations, things I don't understand. May my satisfied spirit overflow outwardly onto those who despite my flaws, can receive Your love through even me.
Thank You Jesus for loving me sooooo much more than I can wrap my brain around. Thank You for Your incredible patience with me each time I come running back in fear to search for You. Teach me to have a spirit of confidence, courage and rest in You. May my heels quit digging in and may they kick up and rest!! Sweet God, Enduring Friend and Loyal King over All. Praise Your Holy name, amen.
